I wrote this while I sat at an elementary auditorium and occasionally looked up to see my younger son practice Karate. I figured Mother’s Day is just 5 days away and it is a good time to publish this one. This is the toughest blog I have typed so far and it makes me look down and shake my head when I think back at my past. I don’t look forward to Mother’s Day anymore, I mean for me to celebrate as a Mom. As the years pass I feel less deserving for my children to celebrate me as a Mom. It is not supposed to be a responsibility, a must, a tradition or just because. I’ll just start typing now, so here it goes.
As I sat at the auditorium and watch my son practice Karate with many other kids, I couldn’t help but to think about my past with my older children (especially my 3 daughters now 25, 23, and 19). “The Perfect Parent”, I ask myself who is the perfect parent? Is there such a person? Well, No I don’t think so. I had my first daughter at the age of 16 and soon after that I had my second daughter. By the age of 18 I had 2 beautiful daughters and I lived for them. Everything I did was to make sure they were ok. Fast forward 5 years later my life took a turn and I became a single Mom under very difficult circumstances. I had no job, no car, no money and only one place to go “my parent’s home”. With arms wide open they took me and my girls in. My mom suggested for me to get government assistance, finish school and work but I didn’t want to get government assistance. It just didn’t feel right for me, I wanted to work and earn my own money to support my daughters, myself and help my parents and I did just that, look for a job and work hard. Fast forward 2 years later with another daughter, new relationship and 2-3 jobs at a time.
The things I truly regret 😢
My other half couldn’t keep a job and I had to work 2 jobs, sometimes 3 jobs to support our family of 5 >>>now that’s what I called overworked 😂 but as a Mom I didn’t have much choice and I needed to make sure there was food on the table, roof over our heads and keep my sanity. I almost became obsessed on making sure we never went back to live with the inlaws. All my hard work provided a roof and food but took all my quality time away from my girls. I didn’t have time to do homework with them, most of the time didn’t have dinner with them, didn’t make it back to school nights, open house, some parent conferences, talent shows, math nights, carnivals and even their Middle School Graduation. YES, I KNOW.
At the time I thought I was doing everything right. I was doing what a Mom should do which was provide and I forgot everything my girls will remember. I’m sitting here writing and looking up to see how my younger son enjoys this Karate class and I realized that my girls will not remember “momma’s pizza” as my younger daughter called it. One day when I went a little crazy I thought I could make them pizza at home 😋, it was delicious but it is sad that my daughters will not remember this day, instead they will forever remember that I was NEVER present at the most important events of their lives.
I really wish I could go back in time and change it but sadly I can’t. I won’t justify myself when I say the company I worked for 75% of the time never gave me permission to leave to an event and come back to work. I ask myself does it matter now if I told my daughters 10-15 years later that I always asked for permission? the answer is NO it doesn’t, this is a lifetime memory that cannot be blocked out UNFORTUNATELY.
As we grow into adults we know why our parents would work too much or so hard. I hoped when my children were old enough they would understand the logic that motivates a parent to over do things and to work too much. Until this day I regret not being there for my daughters. I am not ashamed to have worked so hard but I am ashamed to have missed such important occasions. In their eyes that is not important, I’m wrong. I don’t blame them, I wasn’t there while all the other parents were. I can’t imagine the feeling each of my daughters had when each went up on the stage and there was no one there cheering for them.
Today I want to say “I’M SORRY” I never meant to hurt you, it is the last thing I would ever do intentionally.
If you are reading this post please take notes if you have ever been in this situation.
- NEVER miss important events
- ALWAYS be there for your kids
- FAMILY always comes first, a job can be replaced
- ALWAYS help your kids with homework no matter how tired you are
- ALWAYS have dinner with your kids
- ALWAYS tell you kids you love them
Life is short MAKE memories MONEY cannot buy
Happy Early Mother’s Day to all you ladies that are always there for your children, you are doing a wonderful job.
*Don’t forget to judge-me in the comments